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It’s early morning in Toon Town. I can’t sleep, so I’ve been up all night. I’m yawning but I must be up for work in a few hours. The only solution is coffee, but I’m out. So, I walk down the street to grab some more at the local coffee bot.

 

I'm immediately accosted by overpriced taxi drivers, honking their horns and vying for my attention.

 

“Taxi? You want a taxi?” 

 

 I shake my head and ignore their persistent calls. Taxies are a crazy ride in this city and very expensive. Instead, I step onto the autowalk. 

 

I slide past the Ink and Paint Club, a favorite hangout spot for people looking for cheap drinks and lively entertainment. But the gorilla-sized security guards outside give me pause. Their angry expressions warn me to stay away. I walk past a dress store and my favorite pub, the Bulldog Cafe, which serves excellent hot dogs and cold beer. 

 

A busty redhead rabbit named Jessica is smoking on the sidewalk. “You want to have some fun, detective?” I glance at her cleavage but walk past her. I’ve been on that ride before, but am not in the mood tonight.

 

I press the buttons on the coffee machine for an espresso macchiato from the machine. It's pricier than I remember, but I scan my ID to pay. I finish paying, grab my steaming hot coffee topped with whipped cream, cocoa powder, and a plastic lid, then head home.

 

On my way back, my scanner lights up with a red alert. A nearby teen boy is a runaway Yippie, so I’m being ordered to send him to Heaven.

 

 I march right up to the kid and flash my ID. "Hello, my name is Detective Gary Wolf, and I’m an Angel. You are a Yippie in violation of God’s law.”

 

“Buzz off, loser.”

 

“You have to go to Heaven. It’s the rules.” I explain.

 

The kid gets mad. “You aren’t my parents. You can’t tell me what to do!”

 

 “Where are your parents?”

 

The kid looks down at his feet. “My mom and dad both went to Heaven.”

 

I feel bad for the kid. “Don’t you want to go to Heaven to meet them?” 

 

“No! I want to live here on the streets. On my own, my way.”

 

I set down my coffee. “If you won’t go willingly, I’m afraid I have to take you to Heaven by force.”

 

"Fuck you, pig! This is bullshit!" He starts to run away. 

 

I pull out my taser and aim. I have him dead in my sight. 

 

I pull the trigger, and a bolt of lightning shoots out. 

 

These things pack a punch. Healthy people can take a few shots before they go down, but the electric shocks cause heart attacks. Of course, it’s not just older people who have problems. There was that one kid… I try not to think about him. It still hurts even now, a couple of years later. 

 

I don’t remember his name, but I’ll never forget his face. I shot him for sneaking into a club with a fake ID. The bolt hit him in the back. The kid’s whole body went limp then he hit the floor. 

 

“My legs are gone, my legs are gone!” he kept on yelling. “What’ve you pigs done to my fucking legs?” We all thought he was joking. He wasn’t. 

 

After a few moments of screaming agony, his heart stopped. We tried calling an ambulance, but it was too late. The kid had a seizure and then died two months before prom. And it was my taser that got the shot in. 

 

But today, I intentionally miss. My shot hits the wall behind him, and asphalt explodes. 

 

The kid is stunned. He’s shitting his pants in fear. I gesture for him to run away, but he doesn’t understand.

 

A patrolling Angel notices the commotion. He’s dressed like a 1920s copper. “What the hell, man?”

 

I shrug my shoulders. “Sorry. I missed.”

 

The kid finally gets the message. He turns and runs.

 

The copper stares at me suspiciously but then chases after the kid. I shoot a few shots at the wall, but the Angel is fat, and the kid is fast, so the kid gets away.  

 

I pick up my coffee and keep walking home.

 

If I had shot the kid, I would have been paid more. But sometimes, it’s not worth it. 

 

When I get home to the Eddie Valiant apartment building, I ride the elevator to my floor. I unlock the door, sit on the couch, pour a bowl of Cheesy O’s, and start flipping through the channels on my wall screen.

 

Skip the news, skip the bad action movie, skip the preschool Wally Rabbit cartoons. Instead, I land on the Classic Movie Channel. A black and white noir is just getting started. 

 

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